New Jersey. The place I was born, but I could have been born anywhere else. I could've been born in France, Japan, Canada or anywhere in Africa, but would it have changed a thing? No. Nothing will never change. Kids like me are and will always be the ones who get hated. Why? Well, why not? People always need someone they can rely on, but they mainly need someone they can hate, they can insult without worrying about the consequences. You can always live without friends, but what is your life without ennemies? Oh, I had some. I actually had more ennemies than you can dream about. The whole world was my ennemy. Why you ask? Because people are mean, people are selfish, and people will find a reason to hate you no matter what. And that, my friend, will never change. It's actually the only thing which will never change. After all, hate is the only feeling tearing humans and animals apart.
I wish I was dead. But I'm not. So what can I do? Crawl in a corner and wait until I stop breathing? No, I won't do that, because I have some dignity. At least I try to keep some anyway. Things are difficult, things are strange. Life is fucked up. But can I do anything about it? I can't. Maybe someone out there could. Maybe someone out there could change my life, change the way I think, change my motivations and the reason I get out of bed in the morning. Maybe I'll listen to them, maybe not. Maybe I'll end up fucking everything up with my shitty personality and my stupid fears. Maybe. But we never know, we never know anything and we don't really want to know, to be honest. At least for my part. I wonder what's better; to live never having found love and never having gotten hurt, or to know what it is like to feel strongly for someone but having to live with this constant pain that they are gone? I really have no idea. Can't decide what to choose yet.
I wonder what it feels like having a family. I don't have a clue. I guess I wish I could know. I guess I wish I could've had a normal childhood like everybody. But on the other hand, I think I'm happy to be here, with a majority of people who understand how I feel. Well, about that anyway. Because I don't think anybody actually 'gets' me. I know it sounds stupid, but I can't help thinking this. Maybe that has to do with the fact that I don't actually tell anyone how I really feel. Makes sense. Maybe I should start talking to people. That'd be an improvement, right? But then again, I would make myself way too vulnerable, and feel way too devastated when that person would leave me. Because they will. Everyone does.
Merci Prim' pour le vava <3
Page 1 sur 1
Permission de ce forum:
Vous ne pouvez pas répondre aux sujets dans ce forum